don't you go looking so surprised

dear god,

I got the job at the camp in Maine.

I have never asked god for anything I wanted without getting it. still, never asked for anything I wanted without getting it.

I'm going to go to Maine. I'm going to be a camp counselor in Maine.

also, I like Anna and the way things are and I think we could work.

also, this spring break has been the best break since being back from New College. I love Des Moines, and I love New College, and both places are my home, in different and equally important ways.

I am so, so happy. glad and happy and pleased and excited, thrilled, filled with wonder, glad.

dear god, thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you for every moment thank you

Books Read in 2010

1. Shoplifting from American Apparel by Tao Lin
2. PoMoSexuals: Challenging Assumptions about Gender and Sexuality edited by Carol Queen and Lawrence Schimel
3. Real Boys by William Pollack
4. Free Enterprise by Michelle Cliff
5. Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides
6. The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera
7. The Importance of Being Iceland by Eileen Myles
8. The Best American Essays 2009 edited by Mary Oliver
9. Stitches by David Small
10. Self-Help by Lorrie Moore
11. Inferno by Eileen Myles
12. Nox by Anne Carson
13. Awkward and Definition by Ariel Schrag
14. I and Thou by Martin Buber
15. The Girl in the Tangerine Scarf by Mohja Kahf
16. Shortcomings by Adrian Tomine
17. Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation edited by Kate Bornstein and S. Bear Bergman
18. A Quaker Book of Wisdom by Robert Lawrence Smith
19. The Book of Promethea by Helene Cixous
20. The Ravishing of Lol Stein by Marguerite Duras
21. Sweet Tooth by Jeff Lemire
22. Just Kids by Patti Smith

  

stronger than all concern

Succeeding at being less fucked up.

It's nice.

there.

At the Party

What you are mostly is a turned back. Black curled hair cascading down your back.
Black glasses when you turn your face toward me. What you say when you stumble
Out that bedroom door is, “that girl is too drunk for even me to fuck.” It’s a party.
Everyone should just lighten up, light up, keep getting high, keep dancing. You
Should probably just kiss me now, before you graduate. You should probably.

 

I'm not sure if I'll be okay

I will just have to fight harder to keep my friends and to treat them right.

I can do this.

not well

I don't know what better would look like.

Not this, I guess.

How do I recover from not thinking I'm good enough to have people love me back?

 

underneath the covers

I am falling in love with you just enough to write it.

delicious.